How To Move On, Let Go & Leave Your Past in The Past (Powerful Speech)

Do Other People Make Us Feel Stressed?

Earlier on, whilst I was out in a populated area, I overheard someone say to another person that they "stressed them out". I had no idea why they said this to them, but there must have been a reason for it.

It would be easy to conclude that the other person was behaving in a way that was causing them to suffer. Based on this, the other person would need to change in order for them to feel more at peace

Powerless

So, unless the other person changes their behaviour in some way, their life is not going to change. There is then a strong chance that their life will end up getting even worse, causing them to experience even more stress.

It could be said that they will be a victim and the other person will be a perpetrator - one of them won't have any control, while the other one will. So, this is going to be something that is black and white.

The Norm

I don't know anything about this person, of course, but it is unlikely that there isn't anything that they can do to change what is going on. However, even though this is the case, it is not as if it is uncommon for someone to have this outlook in today's world.

This can be seen as what happens when someone has an external locust of control, which would cause them to believe that they have no control over their life. If, on the other hand, someone has an internal locust of control, they would believe that they have control over their life.

A Choice

Someone like this would look into why they feel stressed, allowing them to do something about it. They might see that what is taking place in their mind is causing them to feel stressed.

Therefore, by changing how they think about what is taking place, it will give them the chance to feel more at peace. Along with this, they may see that their behaviour is playing a par, too.

A Different Identity

When someone responds in this way when they feel stressed, they are unlikely to see themselves a victim. They will be able to see that they can act like a victim, but that this is just a role.

The view that they have of themselves will be what allows them to take responsibility for their life, as opposed to blaming other people for what they experience. Being this way is going to be far better for their health and overall fulfilment.

Final Thoughts

The main point here is that if someone feels stressed, it will be vital for them to look into what they can do to settle themselves down. Staying as they are and blaming someone or something else is not going to solve anything.

What they need to do will depend on what is going on for them - it might be case of changing their thinking or no longer spending time with someone. Meditating on a regular basis may also help.

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Don't Allow Your Life To Be Controlled By These 5 Things

Here's How Your Life Changes In 1-2-3

Get Real.

Here's how your life changes in 1,2,3.

Pull the veil back. This takes 3 minutes. And if you let it? This will change your life today.

1. Get real. First off this is the most important bit because I'm asking you to get real with what's not working in your life. Take a breath - is it your sex life? Men? Money? Job? House? Where you live? How you live? Kids? Not having kids? Illness? Death? Trouble? Yes this is the get real bit. What's been happening for you these past few days? What got you down? What's getting you down now? Say it out loud to me and then write it down, just jot it down now on a bit of paper. See? This is you getting real - Goddess it suits you!

When you're honest with yourself you can only make good decisions

You deserve to - so take a breath and ask yourself:

2. How long have I been putting up with this? Dealing with this? Trying to make it work? Has my approach worked? Again - time for you to get real. It's OK, this is where you get real honest with yourself and it's OK if your answer is no. Truly.

Acknowledging the truth to yourself lightens the load.

Excuses and fakeness weigh real heavy when you believe in them

So you've heard yourself say what's really bothering you and whether or not your approach has been helping, so...

3. What action can you take that will alter your life? Remember baby steps make the big steps! Allow yourself to hear it - what action naturally springs to mind when you're honest about your situation? And here's the thing - there's usually something in the way or you would be doing this action already - right? So if you're not doing this action this minute - what thought is in your way?

Here are some of the gems I've picked up along the way from coaching clients and from the inside of my head - and they seem very real at the time:

It's OK, it will work out, it's all good! It will get better. I'll do it soon. It's up to them, not me. It's out of my hands. Who am I to do this? They won't believe me. They don't listen to me so what's the point? I can't handle that right now, it scares me. It's not the right time. I'm not good enough. I'll lose everything. That it's unchangeable.

What thought do you need to DROP this minute? Tell me out loud as you jot it down. Because this thought - is what keeps you going round in circles and not up and outta here!

So to take the action you need to and to feel better right now - what story can you begin telling yourself right now?

That you always win? That you're the STAR of your own story and the heroine (that's you) had to get real to realise she was short changing herself? In accepting a life that didn't fit her anymore? Because she was worth more than that and so today she's going to tell herself that she can have this situation exactly as she wants it and so she's going to take action right now on it which makes her feel like a million dollars... and so... and so... how does the story end?

I'm all ears! (Tell me in the comments below.)

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How To Live A Good Life After Breakups

The purpose of How To Live A Good Life After Breakups is to convince you that breakups are not only an ending, they are also a new beginning. Instead of feeling like an epic failure the best thing you can do for yourself is to ask yourself three simple questions:

1. What went wrong?

2. What did I learn?

3. What will I do differently next time?

What went wrong?

Most of the time, if you are honest with yourself, things happened along the way to give you a clue that your relationship was starting to crumble. Maybe he started calling you less often. Maybe she started telling you she couldn't get together because she had to wash her hair. This is the way that members of the opposite sex let you know that they are ready to move on. Ignore these signs at your peril!

Look back and see when things started to change. Did you have some conflicts that were not resolved? Did you make requests that met with resistance from your partner? When did you feel the connection start to fade?

What did I learn?

Make sure that the pain of the breakup counts for something. Use it to learn. People are great mirrors. They teach us a lot about ourselves if we let them. They show us what we really value. If someone cheats on you, and you are upset and hurt by this, you learn how much you value loyalty and fidelity. If someone lies to you, or deceives you, you learn how much you value honesty. Use what happened to know yourself better and make wiser choices in the future.

What will I do differently next time?

After you have spent some time figuring out all that you learned from this experience use that learning to do things differently in the future. Now that you have identified some things that you really value in a partner how can you figure out earlier in the next relationship whether this new person shares these values or not? How can you find out more about all the things the new person values, so that you can know who they really are sooner, and not spend a lot of time with someone whose values conflict with your values?

Living a good life after a breakup is about using your life experience to grow. Instead of shutting down, being depressed, withdrawing from life, or making choices that will only make your life more miserable, use the breakup to learn more about yourself and make better choices next time.

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The Power & Presence of Forgiveness: Letting Go

Mindset · Self-Worth · Emotional Freedom · 2026

Forgiveness Is Not for Them. It's for You. Here's How to Actually Do It.

One of the heaviest things a person can carry is an old hurt they have never been able to release. This is an honest, practical guide to forgiveness — including the kind that arrives without an apology.

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There are few words in the English language that carry as much weight as forgiveness.

It is taught in churches and therapy rooms. It is the subject of countless books, studies, and conversations. Everyone agrees it is important. And yet for most people, in the specific, real, painful circumstances of their actual lives — the family member who hurt them, the betrayal that came from nowhere, the relationship that ended in damage on both sides — it remains one of the most genuinely difficult things to do.

Not because people don't want peace. But because forgiveness raises questions that no one has ever properly answered for them.

How do I forgive someone who has never apologised? Does forgiving mean I'm saying what they did was acceptable? What if I'm the one who also caused harm — where do I even begin? What if I've been trying to forgive for years and it still hasn't come?

This article is an attempt to answer those questions honestly — not with platitudes, but with the kind of clear, grounded thinking that actually helps.

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” — Anne Lamott

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The Weight You Are Carrying

Unforgiveness has a physical and psychological cost that is well-documented and consistently underestimated.

Research in psychoneuroimmunology — the study of how mental states affect physical health — has linked chronic unforgiveness to elevated cortisol levels, increased cardiovascular risk, compromised immune function, and significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression. Holding onto resentment is not a neutral act. It is an active process that consumes real energy, occupies real cognitive and emotional space, and shapes the lens through which you experience everything else in your life.

The person who hurt you may have moved on entirely. They may not think about what happened at all. Meanwhile, you carry it — in your body, in your relationships, in the way you approach trust, vulnerability, and connection. The weight does not diminish with time unless you actively put it down. And the longer it is carried, the heavier it becomes.

This is not said to create pressure. It is said because understanding the true cost of not forgiving is often the first thing that creates the genuine desire to.

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What Forgiveness Is — And What It Is Not

Before going any further, this needs to be stated clearly because the misunderstanding is widespread and it stops people from even trying.

Forgiveness is not:

• Saying that what happened was acceptable
• Reconciling with or returning to a relationship that was harmful
• Pretending the hurt did not occur or did not matter
• Requiring the other person to apologise first
• A single moment of decision that resolves everything instantly
• Weakness, capitulation, or giving someone permission to hurt you again

Forgiveness is:

• A choice you make for your own peace, not for theirs
• The act of releasing the emotional charge attached to what happened so it no longer controls your present
• A process, not a moment — something that may need to be chosen repeatedly
• An internal shift that can happen entirely within you, with no contact or conversation required
• One of the most courageous and self-respecting things a person can do

The person who wronged you does not need to be present for you to forgive them. They do not need to deserve it. They do not need to know it has happened. Forgiveness is an inside job — and that is precisely what makes it available to you regardless of what they choose to do.

“Waiting for someone else to apologise before you allow yourself peace is giving them a power they have done nothing to deserve.”

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The Questions Worth Sitting With

Forgiveness rarely arrives through force or willpower. It tends to come through honest self-examination — a willingness to look at what is actually happening beneath the surface of the hurt.

If there is someone in your life you have not been able to forgive, consider sitting quietly with these questions. Not to answer them perfectly, but to get curious about what is real for you.

What is standing in the way of forgiving this person?
Name it specifically. Pride, fear of being seen as weak, a belief that they don't deserve it, the hope that withholding forgiveness somehow punishes them. Whatever it is, make it conscious.

Who would I have to become to forgive them?
This is a profound question. Sometimes the resistance to forgiving is less about the other person and more about the identity we have built around being wronged. Letting go of the hurt can feel like losing part of ourselves.

Am I waiting for something that may never come?
An apology, an acknowledgement, a sign that they understand what they did. Is it realistic to expect this? And if it never comes, is your peace really worth less than their admission?

What is this resentment actually costing me?
In energy, in mental space, in your relationships, in your ability to be present. Be honest about the full price you are paying to hold onto this.

Is there anything in my own behaviour that I also need to examine?
In almost every relational wound, both people carry some part of what happened. This is not about self-blame — it is about honest accountability that frees you from the victim identity and returns your sense of agency.

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How to Forgive Without an Apology

This is where most people get stuck — and understandably so. It feels fundamentally unjust to do the emotional work of forgiving someone who has not acknowledged what they did. It can feel like surrender. Like letting them win.

But consider what waiting for their apology actually involves: placing your emotional freedom in the hands of someone who has already demonstrated they are not always trustworthy with your wellbeing. Your peace, your lightness, your ability to move forward — all of it held hostage to a conversation that may never happen.

That is not justice. That is self-imprisonment.

Forgiving without an apology is not about them. It is about reclaiming your own power. It is the decision that your future will not be shaped by what they did or did not do in the past. Here is how to begin:

Write the letter you will never send. Put everything in it. The anger, the grief, the specific things they did, exactly how it affected you. Do not moderate it or make it fair — just let it be honest. Then read it back to yourself. Then put it away, or burn it. The act of fully articulating the hurt, rather than suppressing it, is often the beginning of its release.

Separate the person from their behaviour. This does not mean excusing what they did. It means recognising that people who cause harm are often themselves carrying damage they have never addressed. This is not sympathy — it is perspective. And perspective is what makes genuine forgiveness possible where pure willpower cannot.

Make the choice, and expect to make it again. Forgiveness is rarely a single decision that holds permanently. It is more often a choice that has to be renewed — sometimes daily — particularly in the early stages. When the anger rises again, you choose again. Each time you do, the hold loosens a little more.

Distinguish forgiveness from trust. You can forgive someone completely and still choose not to return them to a position of trust in your life. These are separate decisions. Forgiveness is internal. Trust is relational — and it is earned, not owed.

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The Forgiveness Nobody Talks About: Forgiving Yourself

For many people, the hardest forgiveness of all is not directed outward. It is directed inward.

The decisions you look back on with shame. The person you hurt, intentionally or not. The version of yourself who did not yet know better, or who knew but chose wrong anyway. The years you spent in patterns you wish you could undo. The apology you gave that was not accepted, or the one you never found the words for.

Self-forgiveness is not self-excuse. It is not pretending the harm did not happen or that it did not matter. It is the recognition that you were a human being operating with the consciousness, the tools, and the wounds you had at that point in time. That you have grown since then. And that you cannot build a better future from a foundation of permanent self-condemnation.

The inner critic that replays your past failures and holds them against you is not keeping you accountable. It is keeping you small. And silencing it — or at least learning not to let it run unchecked — is every bit as important as forgiving anyone else.

“You have more power than you think. When you change, everything changes.”

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Offering an Apology That May Not Be Reciprocated

Sometimes the situation is not simply one of being wronged. Sometimes we know we also caused harm — and the question of how to offer a genuine apology in a relationship where the hurt runs in both directions, and where the other person may not be ready or willing to meet us halfway, is one of the most emotionally complex things a person can navigate.

The fear of appearing to “give in” or being vulnerable without any guarantee of how it will be received is real and valid. And yet, the alternative — staying in the stalemate, waiting for the other person to move first — tends to calcify resentment on both sides and make genuine repair less and less likely over time.

A genuine apology, offered without conditions and without expectation of reciprocation, is one of the most powerful acts available in a damaged relationship. Not because it guarantees a particular response. But because it changes the dynamic entirely. It introduces something new — honesty, humility, a genuine desire for repair — into a space that has only held hurt and distance.

Moving first is not weakness. It is an act of remarkable courage. And regardless of how it is received, you will carry yourself differently for having done it.

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When You Are Ready to Go Deeper

Forgiveness — of others and of yourself — is not something most people can arrive at through willpower and good intentions alone. It sits at the intersection of mindset, emotional intelligence, self-worth, and the deeply personal beliefs we hold about what we deserve, what others owe us, and whether change is genuinely possible.

If the patterns of resentment, self-criticism, or emotional avoidance described in this article are familiar — if they have been present not just in one relationship but across many areas of your life — addressing them at the root level is where the most meaningful change happens.

Recommended Resource

Life Optimization Coaching Program

For the determined self-improver who is ready to do the inner work that changes everything.

The Life Optimization Coaching Program works at the level where forgiveness becomes genuinely possible — the beliefs about your own worth, the emotional habits that keep you locked in old pain, and the mindset shifts that allow you to release what has been holding you back and build forward from a foundation of genuine clarity and self-respect.

It is self-paced, deeply practical, and designed as one of the most accessible entry points into serious personal development available. Whether you are working through a specific hurt or addressing patterns that have followed you across years and relationships — this is where the real work begins.

You do not have to keep carrying this. The tools to put it down exist — and they are closer and more accessible than you may believe right now.

Start Your Life Optimization Journey

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The Freedom on the Other Side

Forgiveness is not the end of a story. It is the beginning of a different one — one in which the past no longer dictates the present, where the person who hurt you no longer occupies prime real estate in your thoughts and your energy, and where you move through your life with a lightness that chronic resentment makes impossible.

It does not always arrive dramatically. For most people, it comes gradually — a slow loosening of something that has been gripped for a long time, a morning where the familiar ache is a little less acute, a moment where you realise you went several hours without thinking about it at all.

And then, one day, you notice that you have been carrying something that has become so familiar it felt like part of you — and that you have, quietly and without fanfare, put it down.

That is forgiveness. And it was always for you.

You Deserve to Put This Down

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